{cup of inspiration}

1. In Case You Forget..., 2. it was a beautiful day, 3. One stem, 4. Please Return to Tiffany, 5. The soul is projection. Represent it., 6. fresh, 7. strawberry chiffon, 8. handle on bokeh, 9. My New Tea Cup In All It's Glory, 10. Untitled, 11. Yogi tea, 12. Le parapluie rouge, 13. for andie

sharing some beauty & inspiration with hopes that you have a blessed new year!

trying.

“Faith is the daring of the soul to go farther than it can see.” ~William Newton Clarke

I have big plans for 2009. Faith is the key to allowing those plans to become a reality unlike this past year. It's been one of the hardest years of my adult life. I'm ready to let go.

pocketful of pretty.

1. a good friend..., 2. vintage christmas ornaments, 3. day 117/365 gifted, 4. "May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through!" ~Author Unknown, 5. Lovely Sunday, 6. The Gate, 7. 30 Days of Gratitude- Day 26, 8. Dandelion textures, 9. winter umbrella, 10. “Let's be naughty and save Santa the trip.”, 11. about to miss you..., 12. delicateness, 13. and we baked

day is done.

She said she usually cried at least once each day not because she was sad, but because the world was so beautiful & life was so short. ~ story people


This is the amazing gift we were given as we left momma's house Christmas evening.

Christmas Eve Horoscope

Although your actions may be well intended today, you still would be wise to ask yourself what's in it for you before you do something nice for someone else. All the good things you can do for others will be empty gestures unless they come from your heart. And each charitable behavior could deplete you a little more, unless you are also nurturing yourself.

What Have You Done?

Things I have done are in bold. I saw this on many blogs in the past few months and decided it would be fun to play along. I think I need to get out more, experience the world..oh if money were not an object! (btw, my Kari turned 8 on Sunday, Dec. 21st. I didnt blog it but I wanted to make note of it here.)


1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland /world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice --(Oh how I want to do this!)
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise - up a river!
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelos David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt - or at least my first block.
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job - I think the polite term is made redundant
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone's life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day

be touched...

Go grab a coffee and a soft blanket. And come back quickly.

Wait.

You might want to get a box of tissues while you're up.

Go on...I'll wait.

You're back?

Good.

Let your heart be touched ...

Words need not be spoken... just go to this site.

You're soul will be full of so much.

And that's ok.

Let it be.

Just be.

In the moment.

Now...

Keep living an inspired life.

on my mind...

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.
"Pooh!" he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw.
"I just wanted to be sure of you."
- A.A.Milne

teen angel

Yes. She is now my teen angel. Today, she turned 13. There is so much I want to say but somehow, tonight, I am having a hard time finding the right words. Words to do her justice. She is truly one of the most well rounded, intelligent, sweet, and kind young ladies I have ever known.

And how lucky am I that she is MY daughter?

Very lucky. Seriously.

Wise beyond her years, she continues to amaze me every day with just how fabulous she is, inside and out. I wear my "proud momma" badge with great honor. Everyone that has ever met Emily has commented on how special she is and how lucky we are as parents to be gifted with this girl. She touches lives and that is just one great quality of my first born.

She loves to read and cannot ever be found without a book in her presence. It is the first thing, next to jewelry, that she wants to spend money on and the first thing she puts on a wish list. I am so grateful that she has inherited my love of books.

Art is her passion. And wow, what an artist she is. I will always encourage her to express herself through art... to be creative every day. To inspire and be inspired. She still says that she wants to be an art teacher when she grows up and now has added to that the desire to be a photographer too. She is very good with a camera in her hands and I have no doubts that she will be very successful in anything she attempts to do with her life.

She sees the best in people. She strives for peace. She longs for understanding. She seeks acceptance. She is blooming in new found confidence. She loves music. She loves her friends. She has been on the distinguished honor roll since first grade. She is a class representative. She makes me proud. So very proud. She is a joy. A true joy and brings so much warmth to our family.

And I know, without a shadow of doubt, that she will bring so much positive energy to the world around her as she grows into an amazing woman. She will change lives. She is going places. She will do big things. She will.

I will always be her biggest fan in life. I adore her and there will never be appropriate words to express just how much I love her. My teen angel. My beautiful young lady. My gorgeous daughter. I'm so blessed.

(please excuse the quality of the photo...it was taken with a cell phone at starbucks..her treat while shopping with momma..making memories)

a few of my favorite things

I am having a love affair with etsy.com lately. Herein lies the problem... I can't indulge myself aka spoil myself with the lush goodness that I am finding. Not yet anyway. But I thought I would share with you, a few of my favorite things...things that I seriously wish were MINE! ;o) enjoy. do you have any favorite sellers on etsy that you care to share? My favorite sellers list is huge. I mean, like, HUGE huge. It's an illness, people. This ring. Ah, this ring has so much charm and character. It is so me, no?

And then we have this adorable, big, rich, lush bag. A bit pricey for my wallet, but I covet it. I do. I even love that it comes in brown too. Mmm, goodness!


Oh, yum. Who can resist these fun and gorgeous lanyards?!?! Since I was hired by the school district, I need a lanyard to clip my id badge to. I am drooling over this fabulous green one and all the others she has listed! I need this one. Need!


One of my most favorite flickr people is kristybee. Imagine my delight when I found out that she is, in fact, selling her AMAZING images on etsy! I want so many of them! I can close my eyes and envision exactly where I would like them to go in my home. This image in particular would reside in my kitchen, naturally. Love love love it! Oh her work is soul soothing.


And this one, probably on my nightstand in a cute shabby chic frame.


Inspire and be inspired. My biggest life motto. This woman is insanely inspiring. Besides this print, I am hoping to get her book- Taking Flight- soon. Words cannot express just how her art seeps into my soul. I beg you, just let it.


Let's get funky, funky!! Everyone is making these fresh camera strap covers! Gotta love this one, like, lots!! Why be boring when you can express yourself? Yay!


Cuteness overload! No, really. I have wanted a darling key fob for a long time and these are just too cute and girly! You must take a look at her hair pretties too! Can you just imagine how darling those must look in a little girl's hair? I know!


And for now, I will end with this beautiful piece of art that I covet. Just lovely. Truly.


I hope you have enjoyed seeing some of my favorite things. I will do posts like this every now and again. I hope you come back to soak in the beauty that I have to share! oxox
now promise me that you will not go out and buy my beloved favorites for yourself before i have the chance to buy them all for me! haha! j/k

{lovin' it}

Recently, I was introduced to a new indie artist, Priscilla Ahn, and I have to say, I am in love with her voice. Pure magic, people. Seriously. Especially if you are into this kind of music as I am. Just listen to her...ahhh...insane goodness.



"Dream"...it just speaks to my soul in ways I dare not express out loud. It is powerful.

priscillahn.com

Priscilla on MySpace

Happy Thanksgiving! I am feeling undoubtedly blessed this year and my wish is that you all will know just how special you are. And that your life blessings will be abundant! Life, as we know it, is full of complexities but the greatest thing is that we all have the power to simplify, to lessen the complex stresses in our lives. Remember, as we give thanks, to extend your heart and soul in simple acts of kindness. You never know what your thoughtfulness will do for someone's spirit. Change lives. I promise it will change your life as well. Embrace simplicity with grace. Walk in faith with grace. Be grace.

it's like love letters written for the soul...

so much inspiration... so much beauty... so much grace poured into each image. amazingly breathtaking.

{unity}

I want to say so much in response to so many words that I have read this week, words that I find offensive, but I don't have the energy to go there any more. I just want unity. I want people to come together for the greater good of peace and moving forward. no, things won't change overnight, but we can all keep moving towards positive change, bathing ourselves in positive energy and taking responsibility for our words and actions. I will never stop hoping for a better future.

yes, I am a passionate supporter of obama.but that does NOT automatically make me blindly stupid. nor do I think that he is the messiah. I am NOT misguided in my decision. I made an educated decision. I did not become a sheep. I am an individual. An individual among many deserving respect... no matter what color you seem to bleed. i personally feel that if you live in the USA you should bleed red, white & blue.

season of change.

It's autumn. A season of change. A time of year often associated with warmth, feeling cozy and cuddling with your loved ones. This election has brought about hope toward a change for the common good of our country and for mankind, (in my opinion, if it isn't your opinion, that's fine. Just don't tell me I am wrong for having the opinion I have on the issue.) Yet, on it's rebound, some people are being discriminated against because of their sexual orientation and I firmly believe that it is wrong.

I am so disappointed that in such a great time of change that my gay and lesbian friends have just been slapped in the face, once again. It is unjust. As noted by a few friends, love should be enough. It should be. I do not believe that any one person has the right to dictate what gender another person should love or marry. Gay, lesbian, trans gender, straight.. I don't care who you are, you should have the constitutional right to love who you love and if that love takes you to the union of marriage, then you should be able to lawfully get married despite your orientation.

I am appalled that it is even an issue in this, the 21st century. We have a lot of work to do, America. Discrimination should not be accepted or tolerated. In any form. Period. (Prop H8te)

Love should be enough. And I am proud to say that I love my gay and lesbian friends enough to stand behind them in their fight for equal rights. And I will continue to raise my daughters to embrace diversity and make a stand for human rights.

Be respectful in your comments. Anything offensive will not be tolerated and will be immediately deleted. You may not agree with me. And that is perfectly fine. Just be respectful.

it feels amazing...

(thanks Keri for allowing me to use your work!)

vote. just do it.

Voting is a right best exercised by people who have taken time to learn about the issues.-Tony Snow

Voting is the most precious right of every citizen, and we have a moral obligation to ensure the integrity of our voting process. -Hillary Clinton

Nobody will ever deprive the American people of the right to vote except the American people themselves and the only way they could do this is by not voting. -Franklin D. Roosevelt

Voting is fundamental in our democracy. It has yielded enormous returns. -Arlen Specter

The ignorance of one voter in a democracy impairs the security of all.-JFK

People often say that, in a democracy, decisions are made by a majority of the people. Of course, that is not true. Decisions are made by a majority of those who make themselves heard and who vote - a very different thing. -Walter H. Judd

h.o.p.e.

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” - Margaret Mead


"In the face of impossible odds, people who love their country can change it." -Barack Obama


"This is going to require a new spirit, not of bluster and bombast, but of quiet confidence and sober intelligence, a spirit of care and renewed competence." - Barack Obama

amazing grace

my life, as I know it, has changed today.

(more to come...)

just one more week...

{lovin' it}

I thought it would be fun to start a new thing on my blog. I come across things all the time that are fabulous. So I thought, hey, why not compose a little post about these items of fabulocity? Seriously, right? :o) So from time to time, I will create a little something & call it "Lovin' It"...fair enough? Yeah, I thought so! After all, girls are suppose to share their delicious finds with other girls who will appreciate the love of shopping, coveting yummy goodies, and well, shopping. Oh. I said that already. ;o)

For the first installment of Lovin' It, I wanted to showcase an amazing jewelry maker, Lisa Leonard. Child, I am telling you...I'm some kind of c.r.a.z.y. over her beautiful pieces of jewelry...art, really.

I could sit here all night and show you pieces I covet the most but this new piece caught my eye tonight and I began to drool feverishly wishing it were MINE! ALL MINE! Oh I can dream. But mark my word, I WILL own a piece or, hey, while I am at it, several pieces some day! I just have to, yanno?

So go, peruse her wonderfully delicious shop but be prepared, you will drool. Grab some kleenex or something.

You can thank me later.

Seriously, go.

tell me, does it sound like me?

i kinda think it does...hmm not so sure about the brave and fearless part though.

my meela made me do it.. ;)

thirty s.i.x.

My soul is so full today with gratitude, happiness and just an overwhelming feeling of being so very blessed in my life. I have so many things I want to write about but somehow, all I can think about is the touching card my lovely mother sent to me. I cannot express how much the words of that card meant to me, to know that is how she really feels...well, it is definitely tear-jerking! I wanted to share in hopes of inspiring someone to either tell their daughters how they feel about them, whether in a note, a card, or face to face AND for daughters to remember the love of their mothers. There truly is nothing like a mother's love.

For My Wonderful Daughter...I Couldn't Be Prouder Of You

Although I've known you since before you were born, somehow, you still continue to amaze me. I've watched you go through change after change. And I've seen you navigate through some pretty rough times with your heart as your compass and your strong, resilient spirit to carry you through. Simply put, I couldn't be prouder of you. You've grown from an adorable girl into a most remarkable woman. A woman I admire, love, and respect more every day. When I held you as a baby, I knew that you were special. When I see you as a woman, I realize just how special. More so than I ever could have imagined. Happy Birthday! All My Love, Mom

I am happy to be alive! I am proud of who I am. I am blessed beyond comprehension. Life is good. Real good.

joy, love and light...

Hello blog... Are you there? It's me, Tricia!

I know! I know! I had good intentions with this new blog. But then I got sucked into that web of thinking, "Wait. Do I really want to share anything with everyone?" Yeah, so, I kinda just let it simmer on the back burner knowing that when it was ready to boil, I would post something. And look, boiling point! ;)

Well, not boiling point in a bad way, just that I have things to spew and here is a good place to do that regardless who reads or doesn't read.

As per usual, I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately. I turn 36 in less than a week (oh my freaking hell) and I still am not where I want to be in my life. I want to DO more and BE more. By that, I simply mean that I feel a void in my soul still. I feel a yearning to do more than I have been doing with my life, other than being PTA vice-president and chairperson for multiple committees at the school. Don't get me wrong, I totally love that I have the opportunity to do that, it's just that I know I have a bigger purpose that I have not really found yet. Am I even suppose to "find" it? Or is it suppose to find me? Either way, I need something to find or it better find me soon.

I want to LIVE obnoxiously out loud! I want to do things that make my spirit soar. I want to travel. I want to bake. I want to do more charity work. I want to discover new things. I want to learn new things. I want to challenge myself to be more than I ever thought I could be and to BELIEVE that I can be and do it! I want to write more letters to my girls. I want to LIVE with purpose and promise.

Promise that there is a life waiting for me when I shed this massive amount of weight. Promise that there is the real me waiting to finally exhale. Promise that there are people in my life that fit just right and are there to stay. Promise that I will get to meet the people who I love and adore that I have only known online. The promise to feed my soul with positive energy and calm surroundings and joyful living. To nourish my heart and soul with the truth that lies within my inner self. To shine so brightly like I have never shined before. To do good in this world and to make a real difference in my life, the life of my family and friends and the lives of those who I meet on my life's journey. (how many times can you say "life" in one sentence?)

There are things that I want in my life and I have been sitting stagnant long enough. Today, I made an effort to reach out to my biological half-brother. I have not spoken to him since we were very young. He last told me he hated me because my dad had to pay support for me and that meant he couldn't do things. I know he was young. I know it was complicated to him. I know he is not the only one that was hurting. I was too. I mourned a lost relationship that we once shared. He is only 3 months younger than I am. His name is Chris. He and I look so much alike, it is unreal, like twins. I want to know him, his children and his wife. I want my children to know their uncle. I have tried reaching out to my biological father many many times. There is never a response. My girls have even written letters to their Pappy and he doesn't even acknowledge them either. I pray, with all that I have in me, that my brother will want to reconcile our relationship and be in each other's lives. It felt good to write that letter to him via facebook. but i feel sick to my stomach, afraid of the rejection if he doesnt respond yet full of hope that he will. i REALLY want a relationship with him. i fear he wont want that. im afraid of a broken heart. but I will do my best to hold onto faith. Faith that he will want the same things too, even if it takes awhile to get there. Some day. I hope.

I have really taken time to sort out odd feelings of uncertainty and other junk I was feeling about friendships too. And if you really know me, you know that I have always struggled with the issue of friendship. I often allow myself to feel abandoned, left out, unloved, unworthy etc etc. I also often felt like I would open myself up to people only for them to just not really care about me or be the kind of friend I needed them to be, nor could I be the kind of friend they needed me to be. It has been hard for me to accept that some so called friendships really are not friendships at all. I really don't have that many true friends. And I have even less that I do things with on a daily basis, or just a regular basis. I still long for that perfect friendship...the "best friend" syndrome. I hope it happens before I hit forty. :o) I don't allow others to control how I feel in a relationship any more. And while it hurts a little, I am no longer questioning MY WORTH if the friends start drifting away. That? Is a very good thing.

Lots to process in these few paragraphs so I will not add more (I so totally could though!) I will just say that I am a work in progress and I like the direction my life is headed. I just need to keep on the right path of self-appreciation and positive thinking.

Be well, internet, be well. Surround yourself with only the things that make you feel good, things that bring joy, love and light to your life. Inspire and be inspired. Daily.

Much love...

soak it in...

Promise Yourself:

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something in them

To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words but great deeds.

To live in faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

~Christian D. Larson

inspired living

Today's inspired living consists of a gratitude list. I have been trying to live with purpose and integrity. It was around age 11 that I started to really feel depressed and was diagnosed with depression at age 14. I have lived under a dark cloud since then but at nearly 36 years old, I am ready for the sun to shine on me. I am the one in control of my destiny. I am the one who can create my own happy experiences in life. The power of positive thinking is amazing. Sure, this is not fool proof. I still get sad and even lonely at times. But I am doing the best I know how at living a life with meaning and filling it with as much joy as I can. In doing so, I am becoming aware of how much gratitude resides in my soul. Being aware of it allows me to embrace the good in life, both in giving and receiving but mostly giving. In the spirit of giving, I am blessed ten fold in what I receive. I am not necessarily referring to material giving and receiving.

So with that, today, I am grateful for:

~A very uplifting phone call from my mother-in-law with good and inspiring news.

~After my shower this morning and doing my newly orange hair, I actually felt very pretty today. Others noticed. Especially my husband. Joy. Pure joy in my heart.

~Clearasil Ultra deep pore cleansing pads. Silly eh? Well, I have lived with bad skin and complexion since puberty. Nothing seems to have helped me ever. I started using these little gems three weeks ago and my skin is shiny, soft and radiant with very few breakouts. Happy!

~Stimulus check finally came today. Our cupboards and fridge are no longer bare!

~Placing a small order at Amazon for some summer reading for me and the girls. Thanks to my sweet husband.



What are you grateful for today?

rockstar momma

New salon.
New stylist.
New color.

Living out loud.

Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same.


Step outside of your comfort zone for a bit. Feel the freedom.

I am trying to love it. It's a bit bright for me. It photographs beautifully...It's like I think it is fabulous and kick ass when I look at photos of me but not when I look in the mirror. And of course, I cannot style it like the stylist did yesterday. So here are the pics, right after it was done.

*click any image to enlarge*

daddy don't you love me?

Today is Father's Day.

I have always hated this day. Over the years, all the hurt turned to anger only to turn back to hurt. I forced myself to go numb so I would not feel the intense pain this day brought to me. I was the girl without a daddy. I AM the woman without a daddy. I never have and never will know what it is like to have a doting father, one that is proud of you and thinks the sun rises and falls around you. I will never know what it is like to really feel the words that are in the cards in the store. I've always hated trying to find a card for my step-father. Somehow though, I would end up buying a sentimental card for "Dad" not step-dad and as I age, I know the only reason I did that was to appease my mother. Now, I still buy him cards, the man who verbally & emotionally abused me. The only difference is now I only pick out humorous cards. I cannot bring myself to buy a sentimental card because none of it is true for our relationship. I will never get the opportunity to buy one of those cards based on truth of a relationship.

This day makes me feel intense loss. I feel like I was cheated by not having an amazing father. This day is a huge reminder of the rejection and hurt bestowed upon me by my biological father who has always denied my existence and ignored my many attempts to reach out to him, both as a child and now as an adult. I stopped trying a few years ago. I just couldn't handle the pain it caused. How could he reject his own flesh and blood? I used to think I was a bad person because my own father didn't want me and my step-father treated me like I was a disease. I now know that it isn't and wasn't me. It is the two of them who have missed out on a chance to be my daddy; to be the man that I adored most in the world. Instead, that privilege went to my beloved grandfather. And every year that passes since his death, I feel even more pain on this day. He was the love of my life. He was my greatest role model. He was in all aspects of the word, my father. My daddy. Oh I miss him so.

He blessed me with his presence in a dream last night though. I walked into a family gathering and there he was, waiting for me. He said "There's my beautiful girl!" and I ran to his open arms. And it was the best feeling in the world. To feel that kind of love again from the man that acted as my father, not my grandfather. But it brings on such a huge amount of sorrow for me as well. I miss that kind of relationship. I want a daddy. I wish though, that my biological father or even my step-dad wanted that kind of relationship with me.

I try really hard not to dwell on the past. I know what it is like to feel that immense pain of abandonment and rejection. It will never leave me. I get so upset at my husband too because even though he is a great father, he still does not measure up to being the kind of father I wanted for my girls solely based on the image of a father I never had. Granted, he isn't a horrible daddy. He adores his daughters and praises them and hugs them and loves them more than I might even know. But still, there is something in my mind that thinks he should be doing more, saying more, being more.

Today is a hard day for me. Yes. I have so much respect for the men out there that dote on their children and show their love freely. I am envious of that kind of daddy. Yet, I am very happy for the children that get the chance to experience what a real dad is suppose to be. So happy father's day to those who are overjoyed that they have an amazing title of father and those who are so amazing that they can be called daddy. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for realizing how precious and special that title is and for loving your children beyond comprehension.

The song by Kelly Pickler about her mother never being there, "I Wonder," hits home with me. It cuts to the very raw places that have never healed. The lyrics bring me to serious tears every time I listen. While the relationships are with a different parent, the words hold the same pain, the same emotional abandonment. I wish I never had to know what that felt like. But I do.

Dad, in the words of Kelly..."sometimes i think about you, wonder if you're out there somewhere thinkin' 'bout me...would you even recognize the woman that your little girl has grown up to be?"...No, you wouldn't because you chose to walk away and stay away. Well, dad, I feel sorry for you. You have missed out on the chance to be proud of how amazing YOUR daughter is. You cannot take credit for that, I'm so sorry. In spite of your choices, I have grown to be a woman that loves intensely. I forgive you, dad. Now, if you would only forgive yourself, we could have a beautiful relationship. I know that is still my little girl dream that will never come true but I just had to say it as my truth. "Did you think I didn't need you here, to hold my hand, to dry my tears? Did you even miss me through the years at all?" Daddy don't you love me?

blue aura

Your Aura is Blue

Spiritual and calm, you tend to live a quiet but enriching life. You are very giving of yourself. And it's hard for you to let go of relationships. The purpose of your life: showing love to other people Famous blues include: Angelina Jolie, the Dali Lama, Oprah Careers for you to try: Psychic, Peace Corps Volunteer, Counselor

What Color Is Your Aura?

The 6 Most Fattening Summer Cocktails

Have you seen this article, ladies??? Whatever are we going to do?

6. Daiquiri
5. Mojito
4. Mint Julep
3. Piña Colada .....poor Bella! I love my PCs!
2. Mudslide
1. Margarita .....Poor Meelah!! She loves her margies!

junk in the trunk.

I am in desperate need of new clothes. Desperate.

Unfortunately, for my size, I have to shop online. Not really fun. But I will say that the stores in which I have to shop are getting some really cute stuff. I just wish I didn't have to shop at big girl stores. Hell, I cannot even shop at brick and mortar big girl stores. I did a dry run of adding things to my cart and at the first store the total was $460 and at the second store it was $150. Just ouch. Seriously OUCH! That is just wishful thinking. I will probably only be able to order around $200. Sigh. Hard to decide what to get when I need so much. I always feel sick after I order though because I hate spending more and more money on big girl clothes when I want to desperately lose this weight. But I need clothes now, at this size, so I have to do it.

I wish I had insurance to cover WLS. If only.

(and will that shirt design even look right on a big girl like me?)

gift of wings

As a mother, part of our job is to raise our children well so that some day, we can give them wings to fly into the magnificence of life. What we cannot prepare ourselves for, no matter what anyone else says, is that it comes sooner than we anticipate.

And it's not easy.

Friday night, we stood outside a charter bus that would transport our oldest daughter states away for a class trip, knowing she wouldn't return home until Sunday night. Even though we knew she would have the time of her life, it was (and is) very hard to give her the gift of wings so she can experience the world around her, without mommy and daddy nearby. She is just twelve (and a half!) years old. MY baby girl is so far away. She has been texting me and calling a often. I love that she is thinking about me while she is away. And yes, she is having the most incredible time with her friends.

The main thing that we were blessed with that has soothed me is that fact that Emily is rooming with a teacher. A very cool teacher. And she is very happy to be rooming with an adult. And they will (and have been) spending the day together at the park. It surely has eased some worry from my over active imagination. You know, the what ifs and the stupid thoughts that send you into a panic because you cannot be there to protect your child?

Um. Yeah. I have been through every silly thought imaginable. Unnecessarily so, at this point.

I must learn to rely on faith a bit more.

She went on her very first roller coaster and then some! I wasn't there to experience that with her. Yeah, I know, big deal, right? Not really. Moms like me want to be there all the way for all the "firsts"...it's just the way it is. And when we aren't, well, it can be a little emotional. I want the best for my children. I want to watch with crazy pride as they soar into their future as young women. And have faith that even when I am not nearby physically, I am always nearby in spirit.

And this is only one weekend away... can't even imagine the wreck I will be when she graduates!

The gift of wings....a beautiful thing.

and a somewhat scary thing too.

today she is ten.

Ten years ago, I gave birth to this gorgeous little girl of mine. I am so blessed that she is MY daughter. She is everything every mom dreams of having in a little girl. Her outer beauty is obvious and her inner beauty shines right through as well. She is amazing and will grow to do big things. Compassionate, empathetic, humble, gracious, fair, quiet, sensitive, kind, funny, and sweet are only a few of the words that I use to describe her. She truly is a very special girl. My gift. I love you, Jenna.

Happy Birthday, sweet baby!

seriously

love, sweet love

Fourteen years ago I became Mrs. S. It was one of the most amazing days of my entire life and I am so very blessed. Blessed because we have struggled through some really really tough times during our marriage but because we have such respect for our vows and love each other with intensity, we pushed through to make it work. Marriage is hard. It still is after all these years but I cannot imagine my life without Brent. He brings so much happiness, laughter and passion to my life. Through all the struggles, he manages to figure it all out and take care of me and the girls. It isn't always pretty, the struggles, but the most important thing is that we are together. He makes me feel things that no one else ever has or ever will. He gives me more than I deserve, really. It isn't about material things-we have very little of that- but about love and respect. Twenty years of him by my side, fourteen years of those being married...I couldn't ask for much more. (well, a few million wouldn't hurt anybody, now would it? *wink*)

it's all a bit strange

i don't know why it is all a bit strange but it is. i have been sitting down to write on this new silly blog and i simply cannot pull anything out from inside. crazy eh? i know. it's not like there is nothing in there because, well, ha!, let's face it, there is enough to write a few novels but every single time i thought about writing ... nothing. nope. nada. maybe i am putting too much pressure on myself to make every post hold meaning and inspiration, because, ultimately, that is my goal. to post things that inspire me and maybe in turn, inspire others as well. i will work on the pressure issues i put on myself, and in the mean time, if you can just hang tight with me, i would appreciate it. no expectations, just let it be what it is, when it comes. ;o)

hope your weekend is treating you well and you are surrounding yourself with positive energy and lots of love and laughter!

blessings...
oxox

jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."