focus52 - {16:52}

Easter weekend was truly a blessing. Spending time with family is so very special and much needed in our busy lives. To take time to sit around, eat good food, chat about life, watch the kids play, appreciate the beauty of nature around us...yes, a blessing indeed.  Easter isn't complete without jellybeans!!

 

And we colored our eggs with Kool-Aid this year! Fun and it smelled good. Didn't turn out as well as other dyes have in the past but this was surely an adventure and one I am glad we tried. The girls enjoyed it too. It was such a nice day Saturday, we opted to dye the eggs on the deck.  

 

On Sunday at mom's, we sat on the deck for a little watching these sweet little yellow finches. There had to be at least 20 of them fluttering around. I was lucky enough to get a great deal of awesome shots!

I hope that everyone else enjoyed a lovely Easter weekend as well. Blessings. oxox

focus52 {16:52}

Theme: Easter

focus52 - {15:52}

(Thursday, 4/14/11) - I witnessed the sweetest thing but it was also very scary! I was on LWE and pulled into Burger King parking lot because there was a momma duck trying to cross the busy highway with tons of babies and cars were so close to hitting them! So a lady in the lot with me got out and stopped traffic so they could cross. but when they reached the other side, the momma got up on the sidewalk but the babies couldn't get up!! So they started to come back across! yikes! Thank goodness a couple on that side pulled over and employees from BK came out to scoop the babies up to safety! Awwww!!  This picture only has a few of her babies, the rest were still being scooped up from the sidewalk. Lesson of the day? We must always hold on to HOPE!

 

Theme: Hope

focus52 - {14:52}

after a few days of feeling pretty blue...it was time to decorate my life with a little sunshine yellow. yellow skittles and my "smiley riley" bracelet. :)

Theme: yellow

focus 52 - {12:52}

Nature is painting for us, day after day, pictures of infinite beauty if only we have the eyes to see them. ~John Ruskin

 Theme: The View from Here

focus52 {10:52}

So much has happened in my life and I haven't been blogging like normal. What is normal anyway? Because I surely wasn't blogging a lot to begin with. Oh well.

So my dear friend, Jan, from TwoScoopz.com has been after to me to share my pics with the group. I have been a member of focus52 since the beginning but have not participated once. Until now, that is. Here ya go, dear Jan! ;o)

The theme is week is {Variety}.  Perfect timing as I receive a lovely bouquet of paper flowers from one of my dearest friends who lives in Louisiana. She made this little bit of sunshine for me. The variety of papers she used reflected my personally so well. She knows me. We have never met in person yet. Hopefully some day that will change but it is still very heartwarming to know that someone can really know who you are without ever having to meet in person. It is a soul connection. The vase she put them in is so darling and fits me to a tee too! Shipped from Louisiana with love. I adore them and I adore her. She is so special. {10:52} & {67:365}

let it shine

“And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same” - Nelson Mandela

When I looked through all the photos that I took today, this one was whispering "pick me, pick me!" ... So simple yet so profound for me on this day. Day 4 of my lifestyle change. It had its good moments and it certainly had its not-so-good moments. (tears! hello!?) Just like the picture represents... good=bright sunshine & blue sky. Those two things alone are a perfect reminder that we all can shine if we open ourselves up to the possibilities & surrender to all the good that our life truly is and the bad=those bright rays of sunshine are a little blemished with the dirty winter scum that is on my van window...just like life is blemished with the not-so-good moments, yet there are subtle reminders that fight their way through the muck and shine as bright as they can just to say "look at me! I'm shining! So can you!" 

So, I end today with this thought...“If you look deep within, you will find a brilliant light. Too many, far too many, squint and turn away from the shine. Let your eyes adjust, and bathe in the radiance.” - Unknown .... Just let it be...

41:365

winter whispers

"Physical bravery is an animal instinct; moral bravery is much higher and truer courage." -Wendell Phillips

I was certainly tested, from the very break of dawn, on how much strength and courage that I would be able to call upon today. As I reflect on the day's events, I am surprised at the amount of bravery I possessed today. From the very beginning, facing my fears about driving in bad conditions, to the afternoon when Kari & I faced an unbelievable situation that shook us to the core... I kept repeating, in my head, "I am brave. I am brave. I am brave."  Life is often filled with lessons, tests, trials. We must be open to learn from them so we can grow into the people we are meant to be. No matter how scary the test is, with faith, we can do all things.

This image struck me as I was coming down the hill, by the farm, after I picked up Kari from school. I just quickly held up my camera and snapped hoping for the camera to capture what I saw before me. This brave lone tree is right before my mom's house. I pass it every day. Never could I have guessed what was about to happen soon after we passed it. Today was, without doubt, a day of bravery.

27:365

walk in faith with grace

Trust in the Lord and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. Delight thyself also in the Lord and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. - Psalm 37:3-5
  

I am not overly religious by any means but I walk in faith with grace. I struggle with what is and what isn't so I just pray most of the time to MY God, whomever He may be. As I grow older, I'd much prefer to strip labels and stereotypes and just be who I am, believing what I believe, regardless of what the rest of the world says I should or shouldn't believe.

But this scripture is much more profound to me lately. So much so that I am breathing in the possibilities and waking up to a whole new world. My life IS changing. Because I am ready now. It is time. It. is. time.

22:365

for the love of books

The ability to read awoke inside me some long dormant craving to be mentally alive. - Malcolm X

10:365

Brent took the girls to the library after work today while I stayed home to cook supper. I love involving the entire family in this project so I asked Emily to take her camera and just snap away while at the library.

Photo by Emily. Editing by me.

365:A Daily Photo Journal (Project Life)

Oh dear...I have embarked on this journey since 2008. I never completed a year in photos. I have high hopes for myself this year as I would love to have a complete album for once! I started a Flickr Group called 365:A Daily Photo Journal and I fully intend to order Project Life by Becky Higgins when they are restocked.  I hold myself accountable by creating an album on my Facebook as well as doing a Shuttercal. Yes, redundant maybe. But I quite like it.

The really nice thing about these projects is that it is MY project and I can do it MY way. No real rules,. Just one simple thing to do: Capture Life. Fabulous. Let's do this!

Here are my first 8 photos! Happy! Happy!

1. save the date, 2. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. ~ Buddha, 3. Paint the sky with colors of love, 4. chinese takeout, 5. field of dreams, 6. surfin' in the  USA, 7. be still., 8. spin cycle happiness

{soul food}

{truth}

When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love. ~ Marcus Aurelius

wreckage~ week 5

First of all, thank you to those who left some words of encouragement and support last week! It really helped!!

This week was full of creative energy. I was pulled out of my funk slowly but surely. My youngest daughter, Kari, has been begging to help in my journal since I started and I figured what better way to get back into the groove than to do it with a ball of energy that is Kari? Certainly only good things can come from that, right? I know!

So we started off by having Emily, my oldest, stand on a chair (she is tall) and drop the journal from high up! I barely got the shot but I think it turned out really cool! So do my girls, so that's all that matters! ;o)

I'm not sure if Kari was hungry or what but when I flipped to "chew on this page" I was repulsed and the hairs on my arms stood straight up as if I was back in third grade again when the chalk scraped down the board, I said THERE IS NO WAY I'M DOING THIS ONE...Kari quickly said "I WILL!!!"...ICK. EWW. ICK. EWWW!! Have at it babycakes! Just yuck.



Then we drew pretty flowers together and I didn't even get a bit uptight when she scribbled over her side at the end.....cringed a little but didn't get uptight. ha!



Then she was my friend that destroyed a page...

As you can clearly see, she enjoyed every bit of that too. Ever since she was in the womb, she has been my "chaos maker" child. She is notorious for reeking havoc. I finally caught her in the act. *snicker* Although, I think she was a little baffled by the fact that I was allowing her to be destructive without consequences!! LOL


Ok, she got sidetracked by our new kitten so I was on my own for a bit. And it is good that I was because I got a little serious with the project. Burn this page? Seriously? You want me to play with fire? I'm too scared!!! It is my biggest fear. Well, aside from something happening to my loved ones. Fire. Yep, it really makes my stomach hurt. I think it may have something to do with getting severely burned as a toddler by a pot full of boiling water. Right, no direct fire but still produces the same results...burn.

So, I got a bowl of water ready to throw the paper/book in as I went along because, well, I was petrified that I would burn my house down. I knew I didn't want to burn the actual page while it was still in the book. That was too much for my nervous system to handle! And I'm not kidding! So instead, I tore out part of the page and wrote some really negative, self-deprecating things that have lived in my soul for so long and then I burned it up! VERY cathartic!! Wow...let me just tell you that things got very emotional as I watched those words, the words that I have believed and lived for so long, go up in flames.








Then we had to wash away all the fears, hang ups from the previous week. Shower time!




Over all, a very productive, creative week!! Yay!

wreckage~ week 3

This week was hard for me because I was not feeling well both physically (hello mother nature) and emotionally. Well, of course, with mother nature making herself known, emotions are sure to be out of whack.

And out of sorts was I.

But sometimes being so unbalanced is a great jumping off point to spark creative energy. While I would not call these next set of pages any real works of art, they truly did capsulize the emotive week I have had this time around.

Through all the ups and downs of emotions...my husband was right there and because of that.. I believe:


Some of my favorite four letter words!!


Funny. This one. Who knew I grabbed some pens that do not smear that well? Ha!


Crazy. Whack-a-do day. Sigh. Not creative in the least. I wanted to do a masterpiece of fun but simplistic, unoriginal, normal is all that came out. Can't win them all, I suppose.


Lastly, I had a bottle of nailpolish on my desk, so I mindlessly let it drip and was pleasantly surprised when I opened the book. I immediately saw a little butterfly. Aww..Nice way to end the week, on a bright note. Soar, she says. Soar!

w.r.e.c.k.a.g.e. = soul liberation

Wow.

Three little letters sitting next to each other combine my initial reaction as I began the destruction on my journal. My clean, pretty, little journal...is no more.

I giggled. I cried. I swooned. (Yes I did. You'll read why later.) I panicked. I rolled my eyes. I questioned Keri Smith... "You want me to do WHAT???" "Did I just read the word "POO" in this book?" Oh. Here it comes....

Wait for it...


WOW!!

Completely letting go. Without abandon. Going for it. Releasing things that I didn't even know needed released.

Yes. So far, this project of wrecking has equaled soul liberation. Woot Woot! All Aboard!

Ok. So let's get to the goodies, shall we? I will share only a handful because, well, I was having F.U.N!! and didn't realize just how much I was doing to my journal. I must pace myself.

Hold on, my soulsisters...It's a crazy ride!

First, let's think about just one intention, one word that makes sense in doing this book wrecking. One of my favorite words of all time... INSPIRE. And so it is there, on the side of the book to always remind me to inspire and be inspired.


Next... grab a nail file. What feeling is your soul most connected to right now? LOVE!! So scratch it OUT LOUD!! Ok then!!


What's for lunch? Mmmm.. Triple Chocolate brownie & garden veggie soup from Panera. Oh so yummy...can't ya tell? ;o)


Got coffee? Uh huh. Panera caramel latte. Here, have some! Delish!


Remember the swooning? Oh, wait a second... *dreamy sigh* ... ok.. this page? smells like my fabulous husband. It is liberally infused with Drakkar, his choice in cologne. Or is it my choice in cologne for him? Either way, YUM! SWOON! DREAMY SIGH! And I wanted to be a part of the yum factor, so I drew a funky self portrait..although, I look nothing like that. haha!! and the lips? She musta had injections! *snicker*


One continuous line? Ok, but I must infuse COLOR! Thank you! Squiggle. Squiggle. And she squiggled away!


And for the final share this week... Tear out the page and accept the loss? Huh? You're kidding, right? Seriously? Well ok. *deep breath* ... RIP! And I scribbled "it's ok" on the remaining part of the page. I didn't want to totally let the page go. I am all for compassion. Yes I am.


All in all...a very amazing week of wreckage! Thanks for life!

Be blessed.

Be free.

Liberate your soul!

Wreck This Journal: Week One

So today begins a new creative journey. Our inet book club: The Next Chapter with Jamie Ridler is delving into "Wreck This Journal" by Keri Smith. I am beyond excited for this summer project as I have had it on my Amazon wishlist forever and a day! When the box arrived in the mail, I opened it like a little girl on Christmas morning. Once the book was in my hands, I got this smile on my face that started somewhere deep inside! It is going to be great fun and a much needed source of creative energy.

I have been going through some very personal struggles lately and I know this is the is going to be one of those projects that help me forget about those struggles for even a moment. I have to admit, that I was almost too embarrassed to sign up for the next chapter because I failed miserably at the last chapter. Something happened that made me miss posting one time and that one time led to me not finishing the project. But I had to forgive myself for that and just enjoy what I did get out of participating in the chapters that I did. So here I am. I am going to need your support, my fellow club sisters. I surrender to the fact that in this journal, I truly might need some pushes along the way. But I know I cannot wait to jump inside the book and begin this fun project. Too bad we all couldn't meet somewhere together, aside from the internet, to do this project but I will take it!

Here's to new friendships and getting MESSY!!!!

let the words soak in...

Live while you are alive...

Learn to be what you are in the seed of your spirit

Learn to free yourself from all things that have molded you

And which limit your secret and undiscovered road...

Never forget that love

Requires you to be

The greatest person you are capable of being,

Self generating and strong and gentle -

Your own hero and star...

Be grateful for life as you live it,

And may a wonderful light

Always guide you along the unfolding road.

- from Ben Okri's "To an English friend in Africa"

*saw this on another blog recently and found it lovely enough that i wanted to share it.

{exposed}

Hello there.

It's been awhile.

I'm sorry for that.

I was feeling a bit raw.

Exposed.

So I went missing.

Well...just hiding for a bit.

I want to exhale now.

So hello there.

Let me share some inspiration with you before I go...

Just a few of my flickr favorites.

These images helped me take a new breath.

For a moment, I came alive once more.

I will catch up on my 12 Secrets soon.

I promise.

Secret #5 - Committing to Self Focus

Oh man! This chapter of 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women was painfully written for me. Yeah, I know, selfish of me to claim it all for myself but listen, I have been on a quest to take care of myself for many many years. How's that working for me?

Well, it's not working that great!

Even as a small child, I can remember being the caretaker of all my friends, my cousins, my pets and yes, my dolls. I took great pride in making sure everyone was taken care of and felt very good inside being the one to make them feel better and if they weren't feeling better, I would do everything I could to try and "fix" them.

It is just who I am.

As I settled into young adulthood, I was well aware of who I was on that front. There was no doubting that I was the peacemaker, the nurse, the listener, the helper. I took those roles on with great pride as I stated before but I wasn't fooling myself.

I knew very well that I was neglecting myself.

Then motherhood came along. Oh what a joy that was! Being a mother was/is my natural calling. It also is who I am. I just am. When I held my baby girl in my arms that feeling was overwhelming yet so comforting. Why? Well, one of the reasons was that it was guaranteed that I would have at least this one being that needed ME to take care of them, to nurture them, to nurse them, to bring them peace, to listen to them, to help them, to just be there to guide them. That incredibly feeling of being the one to put on my cape and safe the day happened twice more when my other two daughters were born.

I was their superhero.

I never could find my way back to me. I have been saying for years that I was going to take care of myself better, to focus on myself more but it is excruciatingly obvious that I haven't done as I set out to do. Physically, I have allowed myself to be burdened by morbid obesity for years now. I have tried so many things in 20 years without success.

I kinda gave up on myself.

I figured, how can I possibly make it work now when I have such an enormous amount of weight to lose? How can that even be a possible success? Unfortunately for me, it has turned in to a life-threatening disease. I am somewhat crippled now. My life has been altered significantly. Everything I do is challenged because of my obesity. My life...hindered by obesity.

I am living. But I am not alive.

Oh, I want to be alive. I want it with such passion. I just am so far gone that I do not know where to go. Where could my next step possibly take me? Will I ever be able to fix me?

No. Not if I don't shift that focus back onto myself. The focus that I have given to so many people in my life. I have always put everyone else before me. I have done it with grace and pleasure, most of the time. My heart needs to help others.

My spirit comes alive when I help others.

As I read this chapter, I was nodding a lot. I was reaching in the air to stop the invisible fingers from pointing at me. I found myself holding my ears trying to drown out the whispers that I heard as they said "Are you listening Tricia? You know it is time. You know it is time. You know it is time." I found myself crying as I read this profound, heart-thumping quote:

Eternally, woman spills herself away in driblets to the thirsty, seldom being allowed the time, the quiet, the peace, to let the pitcher fill up to the brim.~Anne Morrow Lindbergh

I want my pitcher to fill up to the brim. Oh yes I do. But I need it to spill over. I need to take time to help myself before it is too late.

The same can be said for me mentally and emotionally. I haven't been well mentally as I suffered with the diagnosis of depression. Along with obesity, depression has be the leader of my life. Everything seemed to circle around those two diseases. I could or couldn't do something because of the weight or emotional state I was in at the time. I have had to constantly ask myself "But are you well enough to do that?" or "How can you make it through that?"

All because I haven't made a commitment to focus on myself.

I am trying. God knows how much physical pain I live with daily. God knows how much I cannot do because I am morbidly obese. God knows how emotional baggage I have and God knows how much I have suffered because of both of these diseases.

But I don't want to give depression and morbid obesity the power to take away my life.

I want to live.

I want to be alive.

I want to be free.

I want to love myself enough to say that it is ok to take care of me first for a change. It's time. By doing this, I will cultivate my creative self and nurture her with the grace that I have done for everyone else over the years.

It's my time.

Secret #4 ~ Surrendering to Your Creative Cycles

I used to think that the only way I could be creative was when I was in a dark place, a depression. I say that because I would seemingly crank out the poetry, scrapbook more, read more, drown myself in music, create more art. When I was full of light, I wasn't creating anything near that spectacular. In fact, most of the time, during my light cycles, I wouldn't create a thing. Then depression hit again and my muse was seduced in a writing frenzy. I haven't written poetry in years. I haven't allowed that part of me to come out and play again in years. Probably because I haven't been in a really dark place in years either.

“Creation comes from cycles - sometimes small waves and sometimes big waves. And as the waves end, they want to rest - they have given all they could and need to replenish before moving again.” -Michelle Cassou

I want to acknowledge my rest. I haven't surrendered, yet, to the light cycles of my life. It is time to really believe that I do not have to be in a dark place to create great things. I have rested and replenished. Time to move forward. To create with intention, with purpose and most of all, without self-inflicted expectations. Time to let the light inspire my muse and let it be.