{soul food}

{truth}

When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love. ~ Marcus Aurelius

Wreck This Journal: Week One

So today begins a new creative journey. Our inet book club: The Next Chapter with Jamie Ridler is delving into "Wreck This Journal" by Keri Smith. I am beyond excited for this summer project as I have had it on my Amazon wishlist forever and a day! When the box arrived in the mail, I opened it like a little girl on Christmas morning. Once the book was in my hands, I got this smile on my face that started somewhere deep inside! It is going to be great fun and a much needed source of creative energy.

I have been going through some very personal struggles lately and I know this is the is going to be one of those projects that help me forget about those struggles for even a moment. I have to admit, that I was almost too embarrassed to sign up for the next chapter because I failed miserably at the last chapter. Something happened that made me miss posting one time and that one time led to me not finishing the project. But I had to forgive myself for that and just enjoy what I did get out of participating in the chapters that I did. So here I am. I am going to need your support, my fellow club sisters. I surrender to the fact that in this journal, I truly might need some pushes along the way. But I know I cannot wait to jump inside the book and begin this fun project. Too bad we all couldn't meet somewhere together, aside from the internet, to do this project but I will take it!

Here's to new friendships and getting MESSY!!!!

let the words soak in...

Live while you are alive...

Learn to be what you are in the seed of your spirit

Learn to free yourself from all things that have molded you

And which limit your secret and undiscovered road...

Never forget that love

Requires you to be

The greatest person you are capable of being,

Self generating and strong and gentle -

Your own hero and star...

Be grateful for life as you live it,

And may a wonderful light

Always guide you along the unfolding road.

- from Ben Okri's "To an English friend in Africa"

*saw this on another blog recently and found it lovely enough that i wanted to share it.

Secret #3- Following Your Fascinations

We have reached secret 3 in the journey of Next Chapter: 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women. As you can tell, I have done everything I can to put this secret off until the last moment. Tomorrow secret 4 will be discussed.

Risks. That word is a like a double edge sword in that it seems so very exciting to me at the thought of taking a risk but it also scares the hell out of me too. To take a risk is like taking that sword, slicing open your chest, exposing the heart of your soul, being excruciatingly vulnerable. I don't like feeling vulnerable while my soul lays spilling open for all to see or even worse, judge.

Risks involve many questions in my head like: Will I fail, again? Who will laugh and point fingers? What is in it for me at the end? Will it help anyone? Is there an escape route if I find myself in the face of fear along the way? You see, more negative questions than positive ones. Yet, somewhere in my soul, I find myself getting pangs of adrenaline at the thought of being confident enough to take a risk without attaching those negative questions. Just go for it. Be daring. Be open to whatever happens. To not worry about the outcome, even if it is failure or others judging me. I see people all around me taking the road of risk and adventure with confidence and enthusiasm. I long for that kind of confidence. Confidence that drowns anxiety and propels living out loud.

I am 36 years old. It is time to stop living a life dripping of questions, doubts and worries. It is time to stop letting anxiety and low self-esteem cower me into a corner of doubt and fear. It is time to trust in myself enough to know that I am intelligent enough to take a risk now and then because it might be one that provides me with great joy in the end and maybe even a boost in confidence. Who wouldn't enjoy that outcome?

I know my obesity is what holds me back more than anything else 85% of the time. It hinders my daily living and is absolutely something that I have to account for regardless of what I am doing, going to do or want to do. I think if weight was not an issue, I would be more willing to take more risks because I know I could get outside of my head long enough to just FLY for a moment and be carefree. But I can't do that while I am obese. Trying everything to change that and still failing is risk in and of itself. I guess I am ultimately taking a bigger risk than I thought. But it is with my life...the quality of my life as an obese woman. I pray for change.

What sustains me on my journey to open up and guide me to follow my fascinations are my amazing husband. No, really, it is true. This man is my everything and I just do not know how I would do much of anything if he were not there being my biggest cheerleader and life coach. My children. They really are my saving grace. I was in a dark place before I became a mother and even a few years into motherhood. I was scared for my life and was a secret cutter and suffered a secret life of bulimia as well. But my daughters... I could see so much when I looked in their eyes. I could see life. I had to press on and take a risk towards a road of recovery. I think I have done pretty well and continue to do pretty well. Soul sisters. Spiritual connection to many online women who are on a similar life journey of creative exploration and greatness. They feed my soul in more ways than I could ever express and somehow, I know I do not even need to find the words because they get it. They really get it. Faith sustains me. Empathy, compassion, art, music, prayer,hope, laughter...they all sustain me.

Difficult this chapter, yes. But I am starting to really love who I am as I walk this path. I will embrace myself in warmth and caress the soul who wants more out of life, to discover who she really is inside and to set that woman free. With purpose and with gratitude for she has been the foundation of my spirit, my soul, my body and my mind. She is the true hero in all of this, the woman who resides inside of me and inside of this fat suit. She is much bigger than all the physical weight. She is much bigger than anyone who doubts who I am or what I can do or become. Even me.

(side note: last week i purchased that tin sign above. it really spoke to me as it reflects what i am trying to do on this journey of mine. i couldnt resist buying it and putting it on this shelf as a daily reminder to do as it says: "Transform Yourself. Spread your wings and FLY. Achieve something great".. lovely, right?)

{inspired living}

The ship of my life may or may not be sailing on calm and amiable seas. The challenging days of my existence may or may not be bright and promising. Stormy or sunny days, glorious or lonely nights, I maintain an attitude of gratitude. If I insist on being pessimistic, there is always tomorrow. Today I am blessed. ~maya angelou

secret #2 ~ honoring your inspirations

Following along on this creative discovery journey at Next Chapter: 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women, Jamie asks "What have you always loved? What inspires you? Catches your eye? Makes your heart sing?"

As I read this chapter, I felt connected somehow. I was able to answer the questions at the end and with Jamie's prompt, I was overflowing with things I wanted to write about..the only trouble was allowing myself a moment to sit down to blog about it to share with my journey.mates! So instead of coming up with an elaborately composed post, I am going to take it easy on myself and just be free with the answers to her questions.

I am very much a visual person. I am so inspired by things that caress my visual tendencies. So as I list the things that inspire me, I hope that someone reading this will find new inspiration too.

Bliss for me is:

vintage
warmth
design
photography
art
words (this is a HUGE inspiration. I am constantly caught up in words/quotes/lyrics!)
books
nature
scents
hope
giving
laughter
faith
rain
ocean
solitude
love
nostalgia
confidence (I am encouraged by other people's confidence)
kindness
cards (I am always picking up packs of notecards!)
sunshine
beach
shimmer (girly girl rocks!)
empowerment
unity
patriotism
food/recipes
friends
holidays
family
textures
movies
tv
shabby chic
neatness
organization
colors (pear green, turquoise, martha stewart blue, pink, brown, red)
music (the lyric thing...)
peace
balance
dreams
reading blogs
etsy
flickr
playgrounds
happiness
scripture
sincerity
passion
compassion
(i could go on & on)


The little things...ordinary life inspires me.

My biggest creative hurdle is confidence, self-sabotage, self-criticism, and some physical hurdles challenge me every day. I have always talked myself out of things, especially if it had to do with me creating my art. I am good at being my biggest critic. I am on this journey so I can let go, let God.

I need to let go of all the insecurities that hinder me on a daily basis. As I read this list above, I realize that there is so much in life that lets beauty into my life and I will not be able to fully experience it if I am always on the defensive, always sabotaging myself, not allowing myself to be a confident, creative, ARTful woman.

Inspire & Be Inspired. One of the greatest gifts of life.

wishcasting wednesday

Today is wishcasting wednesday over at the lovely Jamie's ~ Starshyne Productions. You can set your wishes free while supporting the wishes of other lovely people too.



The question asked today is: What do you wish for your creativity?

I wish that my soul will spill open in big ways and I will learn to embrace the art that is created without being overly critical of myself. Instead, I wish to enjoy the process and respect the end result as a product of my authentic creative self being expressed in new ways, bold ways, and dynamic ways. I wish this wish in honor of my creative soul. I wish for more time to be free with my creativity...to make the time that will allow my creativity to take flight! To inspire & be inspired!

Conditions for creativity are to be puzzled; to concentrate; to accept conflict and tension; to be born everyday; to feel a sense of self.~ Erich Fromm

You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star. ~ Nietzche

Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine and at last you create what you will. ~ George Bernard Shaw

Secret One: Acknowledging Your Creative Self

So it's begun. A new dawn, a new journey. Scared at first, I wasn't sure if I should commit to any kind of project, especially one that I was going to be held accountable for publicly, I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and took a leap of faith. In myself. I have to admit, I am still nervous about this whole process but not because I don't have faith in myself, more so, the lack of faith in my actions. I have started so many endeavors of self-improvement, proclaiming year after year that it was going to be "my year" only to fail, quit, give up somewhere along the process. I would devastate myself by giving up on the one person that needs my love the most...me. How could I expect to give my love freely if I was so easy to give up on myself?

Needless to say, I have felt compelled to begin a year of healing. I won't be giving up this time. I need to be my biggest fan. I need to love myself not for what I look like to the outward eyes that view me but for the way I shine inside. And instead of sabotaging myself yet again, I am going to embrace all of me and nurture my creative soul. I have muted my muse for far too long. It is time I celebrate the beauty that she is and yes, she is extraordinarily beautiful.

When I came across Jamie's posts while she was in the midst of "Soul Coaching," there was a flicker of light being babied inside of me. I felt the flames of change and I knew it was time to surrender, to take a hold of my life again. So she announced that she would lead The Next Chapter: 12 Steps of Highly Creative Women, I knew I had to join. I knew I was going to be living my life motto of "Inspire & Be Inspired"...living an inspired life. Wow! How empowering is that?

There was a sentence in the book that reached out and grabbed me and said LISTEN,

"We continue to be stifled by a host of factors that cause us to sensor our inner voices and follow someone else's dream."

Ahhh! So true. I have allowed myself to be punished by my past; thinking all the time that I am unworthy and feeling increasingly small in a world of people that were not like me. I was/am different. Instead of embracing the unique qualities that I possess, I continued to berate myself for being so on the outside. Well it is time to stop sitting on the sidelines of life. I will not allow myself to feel or be insignificant. I will break through and let my creative muse be free to create magic without abandon, to revel in the beauty within while outwardly expressing what my soul feels. I will listen to my artistic voice and become my authentic self, which is a burst of beautiful ordinary. I will allow compassion and passion to lead me to paint my story in the medium in which my authentic self shines.

My creative self has not yet reached its potential. I am going to live out loud, dare to let go of any inhibitions and fill a void with grace. I'm ready to engage in life, creatively, spiritually and blissfully. Giving up on me is not an option. I will heal. I will soar. I will bleed inspiration. I will encourage my heart's desires to be met. I will breathe in life as I see it and feel it. I want to believe in myself, my photography, my art, my writing and let each of those gifts be opened with the intentions of accepting who I am and what I create to be good enough. I will create a retreat that feeds my soul within my place of comfort and safety, my home. I will cultivate my life and trust my creative muse as she guides me on this new journey of creating the life that fills my soul with joy. I will find my BLISS. I will BE PRESENT. I will BE BLESSED. I will just BE.

In closing, I would like to leave you with this quote that touched me as I read it in the book:

In the sacred traditions, the first thing you do in the morning is ask for blessings from the four elements: earth, air, fire and water. Because all of the work that you are going to do that day will change the universe. ~Laura Esquivel

{Gratitude Sunday}

As a part of my personal growth in 2009, I wanted to document things that I am grateful for each week. These lists can and will include anything from minor, silly things to more personal, deeper, important things. I will highlight what made my heart feel blessed each Sunday. My goal is to list at least 3 to 5 things. I encourage everyone reading this to do the same or something similar. It is very easy to get caught up in the negative energy of life and it really is quite an easy project to take on that allows us to focus on the positive, the blessings, the joy of life. So go on now, fill your soul with life's little blessings.



Gratitude ~ week one

*Having the Wii. Seriously. It has brought my family even closer and there is no way to measure the amount of laughter we have shared over this silly gaming device.

*New books to help continue on a path of self-awareness, self-improvement. Projects that will enhance the quality of my every day life.

*Having the confidence to know that there really is a right time for everything and I knew it was the right time to make some changes that benefit me, for once.

*My children & my husband for being so helpful, understanding and caring about all my health issues right now. They have not complained about the amount of weight they have to do in my place around the house and more. They have all proven their love a thousand times over by being fundamental in making my life (ie: the pain, the obesity, etc) more manageable. I hate to be so dependent on them but thank God they have unconditional love for me. I would truly be lost without them.

*starbucks. ok. so you knew i was going to say that, right? listen, i do love me some starbucks and thank the gods for the days it has pulled me through...but people, i have to cut back. and i will. i am going to try drinking more hot tea. Wait! Seriously though, I will be treating myself to at least one trip to the 'bux a week. it would be sacrilege to not go...right? ;o)

{fresh}

It's now 2009. Happy New Year!

I've got big plans for this year.

I've committed to a few creative projects.

I've committed to more personal growth projects.

And can't help but smile knowing that promise proceeds on jan. 20th.

Yes. I feel it in my guts, people. This is going to be an amazing year.

A year of hope.

A year of promise.

A year of change.

Be present.

be a lamp unto yourself. work out your liberation with diligence. ~ buddha

{cup of inspiration}

1. In Case You Forget..., 2. it was a beautiful day, 3. One stem, 4. Please Return to Tiffany, 5. The soul is projection. Represent it., 6. fresh, 7. strawberry chiffon, 8. handle on bokeh, 9. My New Tea Cup In All It's Glory, 10. Untitled, 11. Yogi tea, 12. Le parapluie rouge, 13. for andie

sharing some beauty & inspiration with hopes that you have a blessed new year!

pocketful of pretty.

1. a good friend..., 2. vintage christmas ornaments, 3. day 117/365 gifted, 4. "May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through!" ~Author Unknown, 5. Lovely Sunday, 6. The Gate, 7. 30 Days of Gratitude- Day 26, 8. Dandelion textures, 9. winter umbrella, 10. “Let's be naughty and save Santa the trip.”, 11. about to miss you..., 12. delicateness, 13. and we baked

day is done.

She said she usually cried at least once each day not because she was sad, but because the world was so beautiful & life was so short. ~ story people


This is the amazing gift we were given as we left momma's house Christmas evening.

Christmas Eve Horoscope

Although your actions may be well intended today, you still would be wise to ask yourself what's in it for you before you do something nice for someone else. All the good things you can do for others will be empty gestures unless they come from your heart. And each charitable behavior could deplete you a little more, unless you are also nurturing yourself.

on my mind...

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.
"Pooh!" he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw.
"I just wanted to be sure of you."
- A.A.Milne

a few of my favorite things

I am having a love affair with etsy.com lately. Herein lies the problem... I can't indulge myself aka spoil myself with the lush goodness that I am finding. Not yet anyway. But I thought I would share with you, a few of my favorite things...things that I seriously wish were MINE! ;o) enjoy. do you have any favorite sellers on etsy that you care to share? My favorite sellers list is huge. I mean, like, HUGE huge. It's an illness, people. This ring. Ah, this ring has so much charm and character. It is so me, no?

And then we have this adorable, big, rich, lush bag. A bit pricey for my wallet, but I covet it. I do. I even love that it comes in brown too. Mmm, goodness!


Oh, yum. Who can resist these fun and gorgeous lanyards?!?! Since I was hired by the school district, I need a lanyard to clip my id badge to. I am drooling over this fabulous green one and all the others she has listed! I need this one. Need!


One of my most favorite flickr people is kristybee. Imagine my delight when I found out that she is, in fact, selling her AMAZING images on etsy! I want so many of them! I can close my eyes and envision exactly where I would like them to go in my home. This image in particular would reside in my kitchen, naturally. Love love love it! Oh her work is soul soothing.


And this one, probably on my nightstand in a cute shabby chic frame.


Inspire and be inspired. My biggest life motto. This woman is insanely inspiring. Besides this print, I am hoping to get her book- Taking Flight- soon. Words cannot express just how her art seeps into my soul. I beg you, just let it.


Let's get funky, funky!! Everyone is making these fresh camera strap covers! Gotta love this one, like, lots!! Why be boring when you can express yourself? Yay!


Cuteness overload! No, really. I have wanted a darling key fob for a long time and these are just too cute and girly! You must take a look at her hair pretties too! Can you just imagine how darling those must look in a little girl's hair? I know!


And for now, I will end with this beautiful piece of art that I covet. Just lovely. Truly.


I hope you have enjoyed seeing some of my favorite things. I will do posts like this every now and again. I hope you come back to soak in the beauty that I have to share! oxox
now promise me that you will not go out and buy my beloved favorites for yourself before i have the chance to buy them all for me! haha! j/k

{lovin' it}

Recently, I was introduced to a new indie artist, Priscilla Ahn, and I have to say, I am in love with her voice. Pure magic, people. Seriously. Especially if you are into this kind of music as I am. Just listen to her...ahhh...insane goodness.



"Dream"...it just speaks to my soul in ways I dare not express out loud. It is powerful.

priscillahn.com

Priscilla on MySpace

Happy Thanksgiving! I am feeling undoubtedly blessed this year and my wish is that you all will know just how special you are. And that your life blessings will be abundant! Life, as we know it, is full of complexities but the greatest thing is that we all have the power to simplify, to lessen the complex stresses in our lives. Remember, as we give thanks, to extend your heart and soul in simple acts of kindness. You never know what your thoughtfulness will do for someone's spirit. Change lives. I promise it will change your life as well. Embrace simplicity with grace. Walk in faith with grace. Be grace.

it's like love letters written for the soul...

so much inspiration... so much beauty... so much grace poured into each image. amazingly breathtaking.

{unity}

I want to say so much in response to so many words that I have read this week, words that I find offensive, but I don't have the energy to go there any more. I just want unity. I want people to come together for the greater good of peace and moving forward. no, things won't change overnight, but we can all keep moving towards positive change, bathing ourselves in positive energy and taking responsibility for our words and actions. I will never stop hoping for a better future.

yes, I am a passionate supporter of obama.but that does NOT automatically make me blindly stupid. nor do I think that he is the messiah. I am NOT misguided in my decision. I made an educated decision. I did not become a sheep. I am an individual. An individual among many deserving respect... no matter what color you seem to bleed. i personally feel that if you live in the USA you should bleed red, white & blue.