let the words soak in...

Live while you are alive...

Learn to be what you are in the seed of your spirit

Learn to free yourself from all things that have molded you

And which limit your secret and undiscovered road...

Never forget that love

Requires you to be

The greatest person you are capable of being,

Self generating and strong and gentle -

Your own hero and star...

Be grateful for life as you live it,

And may a wonderful light

Always guide you along the unfolding road.

- from Ben Okri's "To an English friend in Africa"

*saw this on another blog recently and found it lovely enough that i wanted to share it.

Protect Our Children

Last week on her show, Oprah talked about the sexual predators that seek to harm innocent children in America. Oprah mentioned The Adam Walsh Child Protection Act, an act set up by John Walsh, whose son Adam was kidnapped and murdered in 1981. The Act requires sex offenders to register within their state so that anyone can access their names and addresses and protect their families as best as possible. Unfortunately, in July 2009, the act will have run out of funds, but there is a sample letter on Oprah's website you can download, sign and send to your states senate asking them to comply with the Act. Download the letter HERE.

We, as parents, as citizens, need to do everything we can to make sure the Adam Walsh Child Protection Act can continue. Our children need us to do the right thing! Tell everyone you know to download the letter and send it! Do some good today!

gourmet*jellybeans

just one of those fun little things in life...
you know, trying to figure out the flavor of gourmet jellybeans.

a treat for you...

Here is a treat you must try from Martha Stewart Living!! Enjoy!

Oatmeal Cookies with Dried Apricots and White Chocolate

Instead of old-fashioned oatmeal raisin, swap in apricots and white chocolate. The white chocolate's sweetness tempers the tang of the fruit, creating a balanced batch that will appeal to kids and adults alike.

Ingredients

Makes about 4 dozen

* 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
* 1 1/2 cups old-fashioned oatmeal
* 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
* 8 ounces (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened
* 1/4 cup granulated sugar
* 1 cup packed light-brown sugar
* 1 teaspoon salt
* 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
* 2 large eggs
* 8 ounces white chocolate, chopped
* 7 ounces dried apricots, preferably California, chopped (1 1/2 cups)

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mix flour, oatmeal, and baking soda in a medium bowl. Cream butter and sugars with a mixer until light and fluffy. Reduce speed to low. Add salt, vanilla, and eggs, and beat until well combined, about 1 minute. Add flour mixture gradually, beating until just combined. Stir in chocolate and apricots. Cover, and refrigerate until cold, about 30 minutes.
2. Drop heaping tablespoons of dough onto parchment-lined baking sheets, spacing 2 inches apart. Bake until cookies are golden brown around the edges but still soft in the center, 14 to 16 minutes. Let cookies cool on baking sheets for 2 minutes. Transfer cookies to a wire rack; let cool. Cookies will keep, covered, for up to 1 week.

{exposed}

Hello there.

It's been awhile.

I'm sorry for that.

I was feeling a bit raw.

Exposed.

So I went missing.

Well...just hiding for a bit.

I want to exhale now.

So hello there.

Let me share some inspiration with you before I go...

Just a few of my flickr favorites.

These images helped me take a new breath.

For a moment, I came alive once more.

I will catch up on my 12 Secrets soon.

I promise.

Secret #5 - Committing to Self Focus

Oh man! This chapter of 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women was painfully written for me. Yeah, I know, selfish of me to claim it all for myself but listen, I have been on a quest to take care of myself for many many years. How's that working for me?

Well, it's not working that great!

Even as a small child, I can remember being the caretaker of all my friends, my cousins, my pets and yes, my dolls. I took great pride in making sure everyone was taken care of and felt very good inside being the one to make them feel better and if they weren't feeling better, I would do everything I could to try and "fix" them.

It is just who I am.

As I settled into young adulthood, I was well aware of who I was on that front. There was no doubting that I was the peacemaker, the nurse, the listener, the helper. I took those roles on with great pride as I stated before but I wasn't fooling myself.

I knew very well that I was neglecting myself.

Then motherhood came along. Oh what a joy that was! Being a mother was/is my natural calling. It also is who I am. I just am. When I held my baby girl in my arms that feeling was overwhelming yet so comforting. Why? Well, one of the reasons was that it was guaranteed that I would have at least this one being that needed ME to take care of them, to nurture them, to nurse them, to bring them peace, to listen to them, to help them, to just be there to guide them. That incredibly feeling of being the one to put on my cape and safe the day happened twice more when my other two daughters were born.

I was their superhero.

I never could find my way back to me. I have been saying for years that I was going to take care of myself better, to focus on myself more but it is excruciatingly obvious that I haven't done as I set out to do. Physically, I have allowed myself to be burdened by morbid obesity for years now. I have tried so many things in 20 years without success.

I kinda gave up on myself.

I figured, how can I possibly make it work now when I have such an enormous amount of weight to lose? How can that even be a possible success? Unfortunately for me, it has turned in to a life-threatening disease. I am somewhat crippled now. My life has been altered significantly. Everything I do is challenged because of my obesity. My life...hindered by obesity.

I am living. But I am not alive.

Oh, I want to be alive. I want it with such passion. I just am so far gone that I do not know where to go. Where could my next step possibly take me? Will I ever be able to fix me?

No. Not if I don't shift that focus back onto myself. The focus that I have given to so many people in my life. I have always put everyone else before me. I have done it with grace and pleasure, most of the time. My heart needs to help others.

My spirit comes alive when I help others.

As I read this chapter, I was nodding a lot. I was reaching in the air to stop the invisible fingers from pointing at me. I found myself holding my ears trying to drown out the whispers that I heard as they said "Are you listening Tricia? You know it is time. You know it is time. You know it is time." I found myself crying as I read this profound, heart-thumping quote:

Eternally, woman spills herself away in driblets to the thirsty, seldom being allowed the time, the quiet, the peace, to let the pitcher fill up to the brim.~Anne Morrow Lindbergh

I want my pitcher to fill up to the brim. Oh yes I do. But I need it to spill over. I need to take time to help myself before it is too late.

The same can be said for me mentally and emotionally. I haven't been well mentally as I suffered with the diagnosis of depression. Along with obesity, depression has be the leader of my life. Everything seemed to circle around those two diseases. I could or couldn't do something because of the weight or emotional state I was in at the time. I have had to constantly ask myself "But are you well enough to do that?" or "How can you make it through that?"

All because I haven't made a commitment to focus on myself.

I am trying. God knows how much physical pain I live with daily. God knows how much I cannot do because I am morbidly obese. God knows how emotional baggage I have and God knows how much I have suffered because of both of these diseases.

But I don't want to give depression and morbid obesity the power to take away my life.

I want to live.

I want to be alive.

I want to be free.

I want to love myself enough to say that it is ok to take care of me first for a change. It's time. By doing this, I will cultivate my creative self and nurture her with the grace that I have done for everyone else over the years.

It's my time.